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Celebrity Stomach Pump

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Rod Stewart

Rod Stewart

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Dear Urban Legends:

Have you ever heard the legend about Rod Stewart passing out on stage?  He was subsequently taken to the hospital and had his stomach pumped.  From within his stomach, they allegedly siphoned many ounces of fresh semen, enough to fill a pint glass.  A mug of cum!



Dear Reader:

And so discreetly phrased! Thank you!

You may be interested to know that precisely the same story, give or take a pint or two, has been told of Elton John, David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Jon Bon Jovi, Alanis Morissette, Britney Spears and Lil' Kim, to name but a few.

Its origin dates back to the early 1970s, when seemingly every high school and college campus across the United States could claim a "Promiscuous Cheerleader" who, rumor had it, was raced to the the emergency room to have her stomach pumped after servicing the entire football team at a party.

Clearly the moral focus of this cautionary tale has changed over time, with female rock stars replacing gay-seeming male rock stars as the "slutty cheerleaders" of the moment.

As to the story's fundamental credibility, well, never mind the practicalities of how a person might manage to ingest so much semen in one sitting, given that the average volume of male ejaculate, according to experts, is one-half to one teaspoon and there are 96 teaspoons in a pint (do the math) — what I'd like to know is: can semen really be so toxic that emergency stomach pumping is required? Given that it consists only of water, sugar, proteins, and some harmless trace ingredients, I suspect not.

2012 Update
From Rod: The Autobiography, by Rod Stewart, published Oct. 23, 2012:

I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor, let alone a ship's worth in one evening. And I have never had my stomach pumped, either of naval-issue semen or of any other kind of semen.
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