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Man Arrested for Having Sex with Pumpkin

Pumpkin Harvest
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Netlore Archive: "A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. . ."

Description: Joke / Urban legend
Circulating since: 1998/Earlier
Status: False (as written)


Example #1:
Email contributed by Tiffany V., Nov. 29, 2001:

This was in the "Washington Post"... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever." This is pretty damn good. Drunk and horny, he still came up with this!

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail.

Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"


Example #2:
As posted on the Internet, July 30, 1998:

Dixon, IL- Police arrested Jon Terrence McCarter, a 27 year old white male, resident of Dixon, IL, in the Sanderson Pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. McCarter will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't." he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.

McCarter went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, McCarter apparently failed to notice the Dixon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." Said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (McCarter) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached McCarter. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn... is it midnight already?"

Taylor arrested him but said that the suspect accepted his predicament in good humor. "I have to give him credit... that was a quick comeback" Taylor said of the man's comment.


Analysis: Even when passed off as a "news" story, it's easy enough to tell that this apocryphal tale of sexual embarrassment had humbler beginnings as a plain old dirty joke. It's the clever punchline that gives it away, as can be more readily seen in this bare-bones version found on a humor website:

A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.

After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"

That noted, I'm obliged to confirm that in 2002 a disconcertingly similar incident made newspaper headlines in Warren, Michigan when a local man was convicted of traipsing around nude in his back yard and, in full view of his neighbors, "using a pumpkin to sexually gratify himself." He was sentenced to 90 days in jail for indecent exposure.


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Sources and further reading:

"Man Sentenced for Indecent Exposure"
Macomb Daily, 27 September 2002

The Halloween Surprise
Another timely urban legend, this one involving an embarrassing case of mistaken identity

Halloween History, Customs & Folklore
History and lore of our favorite holiday


Last updated: 10/09/12


Current Hoaxes / Netlore
The Urban Legends Top 25

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