Feature Story October 28, 2003
By News Reporter Jerry Simonreid
San Bernadino California, USA

I know that toilet paper isn't the most popular subject to discuss. However, we know by comparing disease rates in civilized countries versus countries with no flush toilets and toilet paper that your health and life depends on good hygene. Much of the reason we are so healthy in the USA is because of running water, washing hands, and of course, toilet paper. But what if we ran out?

Here's some info for you to get ahead of the crowds. You know those wildfires in southen California now? Well, I bet you didn't know that the Clappington Paper Products factory is one of the many business that burned down.

Have you ever noticed that regardless of the brand of toilet paper you purchase, that there are only five or six different types of toilet paper on the market. But there are a lot of brands and a lot of different names.

Have you noticed that there are only a couple different types of packaging for toilet paper?

Well, the secret is out. About 97 1/2 percent of the toilet paper in the US, Canada, and Mexico is manufactured in one facility. That would be the Clappington Factory, in southern CA. You see, the finished product is so light weight, it is easy to transport by truck. Nearly no weight at all. And the factory is so close to the border, they use a lot of illegal immigrant labor. This is an open secret -- because INS knows what would happen to the nation if the one TP factory closed.

Well, it did close. The wildfires in southern CA have burned down the one factory which makes 97 1/2 percent of the TP in the US, Mexico, and Canada. It is expected to be 6 to 8 weeks before any other manufacturing facility can make adequate supplies of TP.

Governor Grey Davis has enough troubles with the fire, and with his recall eletion. He can't afford to be known as the governor who deprived the nation of toilet paper. So, he's ordered a news blackout of the story. You havn't seen it on the news, right? But the email and internet allow us to know things that aren't on the news.

Stores have only about a 2 to 3 day supply of TP on the shelves. Wait till the word gets out, you'll see a run on toilet paper like never before. And it's going to be 6 weeks at the very minimum till the stores have any more.

If you havn't stocked up, now is the time. And forward this message to everyone in your adress book. You wouldn't want your close friends to be out of something so important. I wouldn't joke about something this serious.