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archive of legends & netlore
The Heavenly Bodyguards

As told by Emily Dunbar, 03/18/00...

After telling "Aren't You Glad You Didn't Turn on the Lights?" and discussing Bloody Mary, it was necessary to tell a few stories about the forces of good in order to sleep at night. Here is one I've heard dozens of times, always set at a different college depending on who was telling it. My southern friends said Ole Miss, my St. Louis friends said U of Missouri or Miami or Ohio...

On the campus of a small midwestern college there had been reports of several muggings and possibly a rape during one of the first weeks of spring. Everyone was one edge and heading the campus police's advice to not walk alone across campus at night. The fraternities had so kindly offered the service of escorting girls after dark, but the service only ran until midnight.

Sally was a sophomore at said university. She was miserably failing History 202 and spent a good deal of time at the library studying. One night she fell asleep atop her heap of books at table in the corner. When she awoke her watch read 1:03 a.m. Luckily (?) for her, a night janitor was there and let her out so she could make her way home.

Of course, Sally was petrified on her walk across campus. She clutched her books to her chest, walked briskly and prayed silently the whole way, "Oh, Lord, protect me. Place your angels around me. Oh, Lord, protect me. Place your angels around me." The trees took on scary shadows. Sometimes the echo of her own footsteps sounded like an other pair of footsteps. But she made it safely to the door of her dorm when she heard a blood curdling scream from behind her. She couldn't see, for the sidewalk bent through some trees, but it came from where she had just walked.

Sally ran inside and called the police. Since she placed the call and was the closest thing to a witness the police brought her down to the station. They apprehended the campus bandit, but they came too late that night. He had not mugged, not raped, but murdered a girl. It turned out he had been hiding in a bush, waiting for his next victim and attacked another girl walking alone who had come along about a minute and a half after Sally. Naturally, this was shocking news and Sally was very shaken. The police were a bit shocked when Sally asked if she could speak with the murderer, but they were curious and agreed.

An officer and a detective lead Sally back to the cell where the man, now shackled and in his inmates uniform, sat on his bed. He nodded at Sally as if he knew exactly who she was. Sally choked back the tears as she asked him the one question on her mind. "Why didn't you kill me?"

He replied, "How stupid do you think I am? Do you think I would attack a girl with two huge guys on her arm?"


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The Barrel of Bricks
Stupid bricklayer tricks

The Stuffed Baby
The horrifying ruthlessness of drug smugglers exposed

Buried Alive
Not for claustrophobics

The Fatal Hairdo
Vanity kills...

Flunk Me If You Can
Another contest of wits between teacher and student


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