Gerbilling Mishap Injures Two (Variants)
Netlore Archive: Variants of an urban legend
Description: Joke / Urban legend
Circulating since: 1993
Analysis: See commentary
Usenet posting, Aug. 12, 1993:
Subject: Gerbil gets flamed
I picked this off Bloomberg Financial Services. I have no idee if such a thing can be true.
Two men were seriously injured today, during what authorities say is a deviate, dangerous, and highly illegal sexual practice. Vito Bustone sustained second-degree burns to his face and scalp while Kiki Rodriguez, his partner, suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
The act that caused so much agony is known in the gay community as "felching". This involves the insertion of a cardboard tube into the rectum followed by the introduction of a rodent (usually a Gerbil), which is forced up the tube into the lower intestine. Problems started when Bustone could not retrieve the Gerbil from Rodriguez's anus. Rodriguez had orgasmed and demanded the removal of the rodent. Bustone however could not see up the tube. To help him see, he lit a match lighting intestinal gas tapped in the tube. The flame shot up the tube lighting the the fur of the Gerbil, and detonating a larger pocket of Gas behind the hapless animal.
The ensuing explosion shot the flaming Gerbil down the pipeline into Bustone's face causing the burns. Sheriff Hugo Root told the Reporters "It serves the faggots right".
Usenet posting, Feb. 14, 1994:
Subject: Fun with Mr. Gerbil...
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil." Vito Bustone told doctors in the severe burns unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kikki Rodriguez, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed the cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in," He explained. "As usual, Kikki shouted 'Armageddon.' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what had happened next. "The flame ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot up the tube igniting Mr. Bustone's mustache and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Bustone suffered second degree burnes and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff Hugo Root later told reporters:"It's Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queer's trademan's entrance."
More adventures with 'rectal foreign objects':
Gerbilling Mishap Injures Two
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A Light at the End of the Tunnel
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