This Year's AOL Tirade

Suppose you're the world's largest online service, with over 17 million subscribers. Suppose, further, that you're the most profitable of all online companies, with revenues of $2.6 billion in 1998. Suppose you own both Netscape and CompuServe, and your clout as an Internet mover and shaker rivals that of Microsoft.

I'll stop beating around the bush. Suppose you're America Online.

Now, everyone knows that one of your most popular features is Instant Messaging. In fact, your members send and receive a staggering 283 million IMs a day! They love it. They depend on it. And it's free.

Supposing all that, let me ask you a question:

Would you, a whip-smart company keen on growing its membership and staying ahead of rival services, jeopardize the good will of your 17 million customers by suddenly imposing an extra $15-a-month charge for Instant Messages? Would you do that, knowing that your members can easily go elsewhere on the Internet and get the same technology for free?

You either answered "No" to that question or you're one of the thousands of clueless AOL members who've been suckered into forwarding this hoax:

Forgive my crankiness, but I've encountered this stupid petition too many times and scrolled through too many hundreds of forwarding addresses on each one to take a benign attitude toward it. It's on the verge of spoiling my faith in humankind.

Did you know that a petition virtually identical to this one went around a year ago? It did. It varied from this one in only two minor details: the due date and the number of "signatures" required (see last year's tirade, AOL Ad Nauseam, for specifics). It made no more sense then than it does now.

A lot of America Online members are embarrassed by the gullibility of their peers, and frankly, I don't blame them. But I suspect the real issue is not so much their gullibility as their refusal to take the time to think about what they've read.

Why would AOL institute such a self-defeating policy? Why would you hear about it first from a chain letter? Why would AOL back down simply because the letter was forwarded 100,000 times? Why would it be signed by an America Online employee? What the hell is an "Assistance Director?"

Okay, maybe it's just too hard on the noggin to think all that through. Even if that's how you feel, there's still a way to find out what you need to know. Just type in the keywords "Neighborhood Watch" while on America Online and you'll be whisked to a clearinghouse of security information, including the latest email hoaxes and scams. Concerning this one, it says right there in black and white: "It is a hoax." I found that in less than two minutes.

There's also an email address there to which you're invited to send all suspect messages you receive: TOSEmail1@aol.com.

Plus, I discovered a toll-free number you can call for information on bogus rumors: 1-888-209-6656.

Is there any excuse for forwarding garbage like this?  No.

My purpose here is not to put down America Online, nor to denigrate its members. I'm trying to reach the folks – and you know who you are – who habitually forward every email hoax and chain letter that comes their way, perhaps imagining they're doing a good deed.

Here's the scoop: you're not. You're making a nuisance of yourself and perpetuating the notion that AOL members are clueless. You need to break this awful habit.

Next time you're tempted to click "Forward," click "Delete" instead. Delete those chain letters just like you delete the commercial spam that clogs your mailbox. Delete, delete, delete.

Your self esteem will improve instantly. Better yet, your friends will start reading email from you again once they realize you're not sending them junk. Try it. You'll like it.

Remember that one, simple word: "Delete." The world will be a better place because of it, mark my words.
 

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