Two robbers break into a bank expecting to steal diamonds and gold, but find what they believe to be a cache of freshly made vanilla pudding instead.
Description: Email joke / Urban Legend
Circulating since: 1996
Status: False (see details below)
Email contributed by J. Thomas, Jan. 30, 2000:
Subject: Vanilla Pudding
This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2, 1999.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately.
The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.
They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
Analysis: No such thing happened in Ireland, or anywhere else. No such article appeared in the Dublin Times, or any other legitimate newspaper. This is but one version of an old (by Internet standards) joke that first began circulating in crude form around 1996 and over time evolved into the infinitesimally more sophisticated narrative we know today.
To see how the story has evolved, peruse the four online variants below (please note, all grammatical errors and misspellings are in the originals).
Posted on the Internet May 5, 1996:
Subject: COOOLEST BANK Robbery jokePosted on the Internet Dec. 9, 1997:
Some Gangesters, think of robbing a bank, they make the best plan that can be made and start to work. A day or two later they are able to get in the bank. They see hunderets of safes, the head gangster says, open the first one up. They open the safe and only thing they find in there is a vannilia pudding. The Head Gangster says " Ok what can we do, at least we can eat it"
So they eat the puding. They open up the second Safe and there stazys another one, they eat this one too. This process goes on for the rest of the safes. They get out all stuffed. An they say at least we were able to eat.
Next day, on the news: "Yesterday the biggest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people"
Subject: RobberyPosted on the Internet Dec. 1, 1998:
Five men walk into a bank, pull out guns, and say "Alright, this is a hold up, everybody down on the ground." The men then proceed to tie up all of the customers and employees. They take the keys to the vaults from the security guard and start to open up the vaults, one by one. When they open up the first vault, they are shocked to find out that there is no money inside, only a huge container of what looks like vanilla ice cream. "Well, since there isn't any money in this vault, we might as well enjoy the ice cream!" one of the guys says. They all dig in and eat the ice cream. They open up the second vault, and again, no money, just a big container of what appears to be vanilla ice cream. They eat it and then move on to the next vault. They open up all the other vaults and find the same thing, no money but huge containers of ice cream. One of the guys says, "This sucks that we didn't get any money, but at least we got some good free ice cream." The next day the headline in the newspaper reads, "The City's Largest Sperm Bank Is Robbed."
The Bank RobbersPosted on the Internet April 22, 1999:
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.
Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."
The next day, while listening to the news they hear: "Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people."
A group of Irish gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank. After a lot of thought they all agree on the way to go about it. In the wee hours of the following morning they met and embark on their plans to get rich. Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately. The robbers expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables were more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank. The first safe's combination was cracked, and inside the robbers found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. "Well," said one robber to another, "at least we got a bit to eat."
They open up the second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding, and the process continued until all the safes were opened and there was not one dollar, a diamond, nor an ounce of gold to be found. Instead, all the safes contained containers of pudding. Disappointed, each of the mobsters made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.
The following morning, a Dublin newspaper headline read:
"IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING..."
Last updated: 06/16/12