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Funny Urban Legends

Urban legends can be as funny as the most hilarious jokes -- indeed, sometimes the distinction between the two types of folklore is blurry. Some of the funniest urban legends are, in fact, old or new jokes told convincingly enough to seem true. Does the distinction really matter? Maybe not. The important thing is, they make us laugh.

The 15 Funniest Urban Legends We Know
Urban legends with a punch line: our handpicked selection of the top 15 funniest urban legends going.

Altoids and Oral Sex
Does the "curiously strong" mint really enhance the pleasure of oral sex?  This urban legend makes the case in very graphic fashion.

The Atheists' Holiday
An atheist and his ACLU lawyer go before a judge to complain that while Christians have Christmas and Easter, and Jews have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, there is no such holiday for atheists.

Attack of the Butt Spiders
The deadly arachnius gluteus from South America has migrated to the United States under airliner toilet seats. Five victims have lost their lives in Chicago alone!

The Barrel of Bricks
Further proof that humor resides in other people's misfortunes.

A Beatles Night Before Christmas
Direct from the Internet, another viral parody of "A Visit from St. Nicholas."

Beer Can Townhouse (Photos)
Emailed photos show a rental townhouse in Ogden, Utah every room of which is piled high from floor to ceiling with empty beer cans.

Biscuits for Brains
POP goes the Pillsbury Dough Boy!

The Bristol Zoo Parking Attendant
Email tale about a "very pleasant attendant" who, for 25 years running, showed up every day at Bristol Zoo and collected parking fees from visitors, then one day simply disappeared with all the cash. Turns out no one had ever actually hired a car park attendant for the zoo.

The Cigar Arsonist
Man takes out fire insurance on rare cigars, smokes same, files claim.

The Colander Lie Detector
Claim: Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The suspect confessed.

Craiglist Gold Digger Meets Her Match
Self-described "spectacularly beautiful" woman posts an online personals ad bluntly stating her wish to pair off with a marriageable "rich guy" in New York City. Wall Street banker responds, "Your offer ... is plain and simple a crappy business deal."

Crooked House (Photos)
Emailed pictures of a "crazy architectural structure" that really exists in Sopot, Poland. It's called "the Crooked House."

The Dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)
"Dihydrogen monoxide [otherwise known as water] is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year..."

The Driverless Car
A man hitchhiking on a dark and stormy night jumps in a stopped car, then realizes there's nobody in the driver's seat. Imagine his surprise when the vehicle starts moving and a disembodied arm reaches in through the window to steer!

Dumb Burglars Break Into Sperm Bank
Two robbers break into a bank expecting to steal diamonds and gold, but find what they believe to be a huge cache of vanilla pudding instead. Naturally, they decide to sample the merchandise.

Dumb Burglars Snort Stolen Cremains
As allegedly reported in a Florida newspaper, stupid burglars confuse woman's cremated remains for crack cocaine.

Electricity Is a Funny Thing
In case you needed it, proof that urine and electricity don't mix.

The Elevator Story
Tourists mistake a black celebrity in an elevator for a mugger.

Excerpts from a DC Airline Ticket Agent
Circulating via email, a collection of idiotic comments attributed to well-known U.S. politicians, their spouses, and their aides.

The Exploding Toilet
Read this when you think you're having a bad day.

The F-Word
In ancient England a person could not have sex unless they had the king's consent. When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the king, who gave them a placard to hang on their door which read "F.U.C.K."

Facebook Closed for Maintenance Feb. 29th to 31st
Prank posting says Facebook will be closed for maintenance on the nonexistent dates of Feb. 29th, 30th, and 31st, 2013.

Fellatio Decreases Risk of Breast Cancer in Women
Homemade Web page masquerading as a CNN news story claims women can decrease their risk of breast cancer by "performing the act of fellatio on a regular basis."

Free Beer!
Just visit this Website and fill out an online form to win a free promotional case of beer from Anheuser-Busch or Miller Brewing Co. (depending on which version of this prank message you receive).

FW: Digital Camera for Sale
'Last photo' supposedly taken by the seller of a digital camera shows a rampaging bull heading straight for the lens.

G.W. Bush Nigerian Scam Parody
"I [G.W. Bush] am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the republic of Iraq...."

Gerbilling Mishap Injures Two
The rectal rodent was the least of their worries...

'Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky'
Something Neil Armstrong never said when he first set foot on the surface of the moon has become a full-fledged legend over the years. Here's the email version.

Gypsy Testicle-Snatching Ring
Special alert from the FBI. Funded by the Chinese Communist Party, these dastardly criminals threaten American manhood!

Halloween Surprise
Here's what happens when a couple takes "love is a masquerade" way too literally.

Hydrogen Beer Explosion
Japanese man suffers serious burns while belching blue fire in karaoke bar!

Jennifer Lopez's Billion Dollar Booty
From the mailbag: "Dear Guide: Is it true that Jennifer Lopez insured her butt?"

Jan. 4, 2014 Planetary Alignment to Decrease Earth's Gravity
Updated April Fools prank claims a rare planetary alignment on January 4, 2014 will temporarily reduce the Earth's gravity.

Insulting Epitaph
Can you find the hidden, insulting message in this epitaph inscribed on a tombstone located in a Montreal cemetery?

Johnnie Cochran's Headstone
Circulating via email: a photo purporting to show the headstone of famed lawyer Johnnie Cochran. The inscription reads: "O.J. DID IT."

Judge Forbids Black Mothers from Naming Own Children
Emailed "news item" claims a U.S. federal judge has ruled that due to the proliferation of "ridiculous names," poverty-stricken black women no longer have the right to christen their own children.

The Kangaroo Thief
Having had a bit too much to drink, a group of tourists bump into a kangaroo with their car. Assuming they have killed it, they decide to pose for pictures...

Letter from the Old Folks Home
An 84-year-old resident of the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged writes to administrators of the local middle school to thank them for the radio she won at a senior citizen's luncheon.

In Lieu of a Loo
Not every "bathroom" has a toilet, as this newcomer to the lifestyle of the rich and famous discovers.

A Light at the End of the Tunnel
Another entry in the "odd things inserted in orifices" department. Caveat lector!

The Lion Cut
Actually, we think these photos of a "seriously pissed-off cat" just back from the groomer are real, but the accompanying story is too good to be true.

Look up Anyone's Driver's License on the Web!
"Welcome to the National Driver's License Records Bureau Website," this site boasts, "where you can search our online database of over 220 million U.S. driver's license photos and driver's license information currently on file, absolutely FREE."

Man Arrested for Having Sex with Pumpkin
"Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday..."

MasterCard Wedding
During a wedding ceremony at Clemson University, the groom interrupts the proceedings to reveal a shocking secret about the bride and the best man (Internet version of "The Bridegroom's Revenge").

McDonald's Job Application
'Actual' job application submitted to McDonald's by one Greg Bulmash in 1997. Or so the story goes...

Monica Lewinsky Explains Post-Clinton Weight Loss
Here's what the former White House intern purportedly said on Larry King Live... and evidence that she didn't.

New State Quarters Recalled by U.S. Treasury
Is the U.S. Treasury recalling the state quarters of Texas, Alabama, West Virginia and other states because they won't fit in parking meters and vending machines?

Ogling Breasts Increases Men's Lifespans
'Medical study' purportedly published in the New England Journal of Medicine claims research has shown that ogling women's breasts increases men's lifespans.

The Night Before Festivus
Another viral parody of 'A Visit from St. Nicholas,' direct from the Internet...

Olympic Bloopers
A list of alleged 'Olympic Bloopers' or 'Sports Bloopers' - verbal gaffes supposedly committed by TV sportscasters during the most recent Olympic Games.

Monsanto Cucumbers Cause Genital Baldness
Viral "news story" claims researchers at Dalhousie University have discovered that consuming genetically modified cucumbers from Monsanto Inc. may result in "total groin hair loss."

Penus Van Lesbian
Heartwarming tale of a talented young man who overcame his tragic christening to become a wealthy and famous TV personality.

Pluck Yew (Origin of 'The Finger')
Supposedly, both the expression "F--- you" and the obscene gesture commonly referred to in America as "the finger" originated with uppity British archers during the Hundred Years' War.

Circulating via email and social media, the story of what happens when a white airline passenger objects to being seated next to a black man.

Please Don't Intoxicate the Animals
A lesson in how not to behave in a safari theme park.

A Police Officer's Night Before Christmas
Another Internet parody based on the classic Christmas poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas."

The Pooped Pants
It was their first date... and, inevitably, their last.

The Pregnant Turkey
For a Thanksgiving Day laugh, mom stuffs a roast turkey with a cornish game hen as a practical joke on her naive daughter.

Prehistoric Barbie Doll
The Smithsonian Institution responds to notification of an unusual find in a backyard archaeological dig - the two-million-year-old head of a Malibu Barbie Doll.

Premature Rapture
Arkansas woman mistakes the driver of a pickup truck for Jesus and dies while trying to ascend to heaven through the sun roof of her car.

The Queen. the President and the Flatulent Horse
During a state visit to England, President G.W. Bush goes on a fateful coach ride to Buckingham Palace with the Queen of England and a farting horse.

Rectal Foreign Objects
Writer Leif 'Trials of a Gay-Seeming Straight Male' Ueland glosses the execrable Richard Gere gerbil-in-the-butt legend in his probing article for Nerve.com, 'Everything but the Gerbil'...

Read the Label!
Gynecologist to woman: "Looks like we've got ourselves a party girl!"

The Revocation of Independence
Net satire poking fun at the 2000 U.S. presidential election grew in the online telling...

State Policemen Don't Have Balls
Female traffic violator tries to talk her way out of a citation by offering to buy tickets to the policeman's ball. 'I'm a state trooper, ma'am,' replies the officer. 'We don't have balls.'

The S-Word
In olden days -- or so we are told -- shippers stamped the acronym "S.H.I.T." (Ship High in Transit) on crates of cow manure to prevent them from from being stowed below deck and causing methane explosions.

Scrotum Self-Repair
Perhaps the most inventive use of an industrial staple gun you're ever likely to see. Grisly but true!

The Stella Awards
Introducing the Stella Awards for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U.S., purportedly named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who was awarded damages for injuries sustained after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee in her lap in 1994.

The Stolen Penguin
In an unusual press conference held at Boston's New England Aquarium, officials assured the public that all of the aquarium's 61 penguins are present and accounted for, scotching a rampant rumor that a 12-year-old autistic boy had made off with one of the birds in his backpack.

The amazing household adhesive best known as Superglue has many, many more uses (and abuses) than you ever imagined...

Superglue Revenge, Revisited
Buck Wolf just blogged about a sticky situation in Wisconsin involving an unfaithful husband, his jilted wife, three different women...

Thanks for the Chain Letters...
"If you send this email to at least 1,200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you today at 7 p.m." (A viral parody.)

Thank You for All Your Educational Posts
A viral spoof recapping all the scary viral messages people have shared via email and social media for the past year.

Toilet Terror Alert
"Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator."

Tow Truck Comedy of Errors
A photo vignette circulating via email shows a tow truck tumbling into the sea while attempting to salvage another tow truck that met the same fate while salvaging a wrecked car.

The Troll in the Closet
A woman returns from a grocery shopping trip to find her mentally-challenged son in a very excited state. 'I caught a troll and trapped him in the closet!" he tells her. When she checks, the 'troll' turns out to be a diminutive census taker who had come to the door while she was out.

The Truth About the IRS
Just as we always thought... the Internal Revenue Service is nothing but an elaborate criminal conspiracy to relieve ordinary citizens of their hard-earned cash.

What to Do in Case of Snake Attack
Forwarded email purports to share instructions from a U.S. government Peace Corp manual on what to do if an anaconda or python attacks you in the wild.

Parodies of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
A collection of hilarious online parodies of the famous 19th-century Christmas poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas."

Who's Afraid of Spotted Dick?
British shoppers, apparently. A supermarket chain is considering renaming the classic dessert in hopes of improving sales.

Wall Street Bailout as Nigerian Scam
"Dear American, I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude."

Why the Ocean Is So Salty
Forwarded email with an attached photo purporting to show the penis of a blue whale claims that the male of that species produces over 400 gallons of sperm in a single mating session. And you ask why the ocean is so salty?

'Work' Virus Warning
Beware, there's a new virus going around called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, Internet or simply handed to you by a colleague... DO NOT OPEN IT!

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