Via forwarded email, an 'actual' job application submitted to McDonald's by one Greg Bulmash in 1997.
Description: Satire / Urban legend
Circulating since: 1997
Status: Not an actual job application (see details below)
Email contributed by Richard W., June 1, 1999:
Subject: McDonald's Fast Food Job Application
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM! (original editor's note: I would have hired him too!!)
NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA HA, but seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
Analysis: Most folks probably wish they had the gumption to emulate the example above and tell the unvarnished truth, just once, on a stupid job application. Ironically, you can include the man who came up with the idea among them. Greg Bulmash, who authored this piece as a joke in April 1997, says he never submitted it, nor even intended to submit it, to an actual employer. Instead, he posted it on his humor Website, from which it was copied and distributed via newsgroups and email joke lists under a new preamble claiming: "This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM!"
Gone was Mr. Bulmash's original, more prosaic but honest, introduction: "As I was working on re-spinning my resume this past week, I realized that we're never quite truthful on resumes and job applications. We try to make ourselves look as good as possible, usually better than we really are. So today, I thought I'd fill out a job application the way I want to rather than the way I should..."
Circa 2000, a new version appeared in the wild which listed the purported job applicant's age as 17. A 2003 variant claimed the application was submitted to the manager of a Wal-Mart store by a "75-year-old senior." It has circulated in one form or another ever since, and was commemorated with a press release on the 10th anniversary of its original publishing date.
"And how has being a living legend, albeit an urban legend, affected Greg Bulmash's career?" begins the closing paragraph of the 2007 press release. "'No fame or fortune from it... yet,' he chuckles. 'I have had a few fast food restaurant managers tell me they would have hired me if I submitted it at their stores. If things get tight, I'll have to keep that in mind.'"
Sources and further reading:
Take This Job and...
Original satire as published by Greg Bulmash
Internet's Most Famous Job Application Turns 10
Press release, 26 March 2007
Last updated 01/03/12